


Parenting Class

by JaKedeSnaKe



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Family Fluff, Gem Egg Hell, Gemlings, has a kinda comedic undertone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:07:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22888939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaKedeSnaKe/pseuds/JaKedeSnaKe
Summary: Blue and Yellow Pearl attend Little Homeworld’s first class dedicated to the raising of gemlings.
Relationships: Blue Diamond's Pearl/Yellow Diamond's Pearl (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	1. Period 1

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't a part of my Life in the Perseus Arm AU, even though it borrows a lot of elements when regarding gemling biology.

"Isn't this _exciting_ , Yellow?"

"Erm, I suppose so."

Blue and Yellow Pearl strut on towards the newest class available in Little Homeworld, Blue prancing ahead of a hesitant Yellow. The two lovebirds recently eloped after finally revealing their tacit millennia-long feelings to one another. As the two spent more time down on Earth and discovered more about it, they soon became enamored about many aspects of human life, such as modeling and fashion for Yellow and art and design for Blue. The latter especially became fascinated by the idea of babies and how two people could be able to create life together. As fortune would have it, Little Homeschool’s newest class dealt on the subject, and Blue eagerly dragged Yellow along with her to see the lecture.

They soon entered a large, white caravan canopy. Several rows of desks already occupied by a couple gems were set up facing a lectern, a whiteboard, and a projector on a wheeled table. Together the two pearls sat in desks bordering each other.

A few minutes later and the canopy was soon filled to maximum capacity with gems of various stripes. Finally, from a tent flap on the side, a short green gem marched inside. Whispers rippled throughout the class once they got a sight of her - “Peridot.”

“Good morning class," she began. "A quick note before we begin, if you are here for the joint interpretive art/advanced aeronautics class, that has been moved to 2:30.” A couple disgruntled gems stood up and walked out in abashment.

“Now that that is out of the way, the rest of you should know that this class is about learning, uh -“ Peridot struggled to turn on the projector, eventually banging a fist on it in order to get it to work. The screen displayed onto the whiteboard consisted only of the word “GEMILNGS” in Comic Sans. Peridot grumbled once she saw the typo. “. . . Yes, gemlings.”

A blue-toned jasper raised her hand in confusion. “Uh, Peridot? I thought this class was about babies.”

“Correct - _gem_ babies.”

Exclamations of surprise soon erupted from the class, including the pearls. “Is-Is gemkind even _capable_ of . . . creating those?” Yellow asks.

Peridot lets out a knowing smile. “We were always capable of creating life in this manner. As a traditionally parasitic species, before the advent of gem technology we needed a way to create new gems, so we practiced methods similar to biological sexual reproduction in order to perpetuate our species. Eventually, the creation of Kindergartens and the establishment of the Diamond Authority phased this process out and removed the idea from gems' minds.

"But _now_ ," Peridot exclaimed jubilantly, "the Diamond Authority is no more! We're free to once again explore the practices of our ancestors!"

"Including . . . _this_?" Yellow questions, shuddering.

Peridot nods. "Precisely. I have recently been informed by Steven that a couple gems have already asked him about how to make gem infants, and seemed _deeply_ perturbed. So I volunteered to set up an educational class in order to teach willing gems how to create and sustain their own life forms.

"I have carefully studied gemlings existing outside of Little Homeworld as well as ancient manuscripts in order to reach a rough consensus on how gemlings operate. So, sit tight and observe my hour-long slideshow on basic gemling information. And yes, you have to take notes." Nobody did.

So what followed was a lengthy seminar about gemlings themselves - how they are created (to the horror of nearly everyone in the class), how they are divided into lengthy stages of growth, how they are much more animalistic in behavior than fully mature gems, how they begin to civilize after ~22 years, and how they require frequent dosages of minerals in order to properly grow.

"Now that we have gone over some of the technical know-how, I would like to show you what gemlings actually look like," she informs as she pushes a button on the projector that causes the next slide to be shown. The gemling resembles a vague green mass with legs jutting out of it. It kinda looked like if somebody got some pudding and jammed some Lincoln Logs into it.

Blue Pearl let out a soft sound of disgust. "It . . . looks like a blob with legs."

Yellow Pearl squints. "Hmm - wait a minute, it _is_ a blob with legs!" she announced.

"Peridot!" the pearl squawked. "Is this your idea of a joke?"

Peridot remains unflinching in her demeanor, almost as if she could tell that Pearl was going to say that. "Oh, definitely not. Since us gems aren't familiar with the idea of immature members of our species in the first place, I thought I could use some visual aids in order to get the idea across."

She clears her throat. "This is a Stage 1 gemling. They, as you can see, can be viewed as nothing more than blobs with legs. Soft, squishy, and needy beings, they seldom move, are highly vulnerable to danger, and are completely reliant on their parents for their wellbeing."

She moves on to the next slide. It's a picture that's comprised of around a dozen or so blue and green beans in a blanketed wicker basket. Upon closer inspection the beans reveal themselves to be actual sleeping gemlings and not some sort of abstract metaphor.

"And _these_ ," she says while pointing a pointer stick at the projected image on the board, "are what Stage 1 gemlings look like. They also happen to be my children - who seem to be the only known gemlings in Little Homeworld - and who I eagerly documented in order to prepare for this class.

“Speaking of which, I require you all to sign these nondisclosure forms swearing that in no way will you notify Lapis that I am using our kids as studying material,” Peridot informed as she passed white documents around the tent.

"This feels morally ambiguous," Blue Pearl commented as she reluctantly signed the paper.

"I _assure_ you all that this is for the greater good - education!" Peridot said to the class as she retrieved the papers, indirectly responding to Blue's comment after overhearing it.

She strutted back over to the projector. "On to the next slide." The following image was now a stock image of a human baby, except it was photoshopped to have green skin and have dark shades covering its eyes.

"Stage 2 gemlings are found to be _much_ cooler than their previous stage. Now they have the ability to crawl easily, mutter a wider variety sounds other than chirrs, and are overall much more enjoyable to be around.

"Still, their improvements in mobility allow them to get into peril much more easily," she warned as she displayed the following series of projected images. They showed a nephrite gemling on a foreign gem planet wandering closer to the edge of a table until the last image showed a blurry green mass falling off of it. 

"Oh, quit whining," Peridot reprimanded as she heard distraught murmurings from the class. "She was _fine_. It was only a six-foot drop. Gemlings can be surprisingly hardy beings, mind you."

She suddenly look kinda saddened. "Unfortunately, since organic gem procreation has only recently been reintroduced into the gem psyche, the oldest gemlings currently alive are only a couple years old and just entering the cusp of Stage 2. Meaning, there is no current photographs of gemlings above Stage 2, and all my other information about them comes from highly ancient and previously censored or neglected manuscripts."

Suddenly she began grinning defiantly. " _But_ , that doesn't mean that I can't _try_ and show you what they look like!" Eagerly moving on to the next slide she showed off two drawings of Stage 3 and 4 gemlings. The first looked like a crudely drawn cat, and the second was just a regular stick figure.

Peridot looked kinda sheepishly at the audience. "It . . . looked better in my head. But, yeah, you can infer that the first is a Stage 3 gemling, incredibly kitten-like in behavior, and the second is the much more human toddler-like Stage 4 gemling." 

The green gem turned off the projector (not without another beating to it and muttered curses). "Now, this is just about all the behavioral descriptions I can give you about gemlings now with my current data. But I want you guys to know that even despite these documents and my in-depth research into gemlings, the facts regarding gemlings often vary heavily. Gemling behavior can depend on the gem type, mineral composition, and age of their parents. Raising each brood of gemlings, therefore, can be seen as a very different experience from one another. Heck, you can think of it as your own science experiment!" Peridot exclaimed, getting a science boner big-time.

She was met with a variety of expressions from the class. Some were nothing more than poorly concealed scowls over her callous remarks about child rearing, while others had reproachful and uncertain glances. Yellow Pearl even gave her a glare while Blue Pearl slightly frowned.

The technician quickly realized that she was losing the class. Thankfully, her phone's alarm went off that signaled the end of class.

"* _phew_ * Uh, come back next class in order to actually learn how to raise gemlings!" she called, her voice rising to a nasal shout in order to be heard over the scooting of chairs and movement of gems.

Blue Pearl and Yellow Pearl followed the swarm of gems out from the caravan canopy. As the couple walked down one of the streets of Little Homeworld, Blue put her bubbling thoughts into words: "I’d like to attend the next class."

"You _cannot_ be serious." Yellow states incredulously. "That class was pitiful! It was boring at best and offensive at worst! Why would you even _think_ to return?"

"Because, Yellow," Blue said somehow even more softly than usual, stopping and turning to face Yellow. "Now that we're together, I just thought that . . . we could try to do this with each other. . . . You know, start our own family."

Yellow reddened profusely at her request. She tried replying, only for whatever she was trying to say to come out jumbled and scattered. Blue cupped her cheek in her hand. 

"Please, Yellow, I want to try this. And I know deep down you do, too. This class is the best way I can think of learning how to properly raise our own kids. Don't you want to create something so precious," she stopped to remove her bangs, revealing twinkling eyes, " _with me_?"

The other pearl somehow managed to enter a deeper shade of blush than before as her metaphorical heart leapt for her wife. Still, she was a tad bit hesitant. "Are you _s-sure_ about this? E-Even if we continue taking that class we still would likely end up not knowing m-much more about, gemlings."

"We'll know fine, as long as we do it together," Blue responded.

“You wish to partake in that, _disgusting_ mating ritual?”

“There’s no other gem I’d love to do it with.”

Blue blushed hard after saying that last part, an embarassed grin emerging. Her wife soon shared a grin as well, except it was much more love struck in nature.

". . . Okay," Yellow paused, her lovey-dovey smile warping into a teasing one, "my gumdrop."

The blue gem scoffed in embarassment. “You know I absolutely _detest_ that nickname!” she reprimanded, giggling.

“Trust me, I am fully aware,” Yellow playfully retorted as she innocuously poked her wife on the sternum, earning a squeal from Blue.

“There are other gems present!” she warned in reference to the street they were in, her cheeks flushing furiously.

An even more devious grin stretched across her mouth. “That I am _also_ fully aware about.” She enveloped Blue into an embrace and gave her a peck on the forehead, another delighted squeal coming from Blue. Yellow released Blue from her embrace to allow her to link her arm around hers. The two walked off into Little Homeworld, the sky a soft blue contrasting beautifully against the striking yellow sunset.


	2. Period 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot gets her stuff broken. Happens a lot in this show, doesn’t it?

It was nearing afternoon as Blue and Yellow Pearl returned to Peridot’s class. Upon entering the classroom they noticed how it was somewhat less packed than yesterday, probably due to Peridot's fairly abrasive teaching methods driving some away.

Just as the pair sat down in their previous seats Peridot swiftly entered in through the same side flap as before. This time she wheeling three large cardboard boxes in on a wheelbarrow, each labeled a number from one to three.

"Afternoon, class," she said with scholarly decorum. "Thank you all for returning." She paused to look around the room, her face falling a tad. "Well, _almost_ all of you, anyways."

She approached the whiteboard and wrote "PARENTING 101" in big green letters as she spoke. "The reason why I informed you all so much about gemling biology yesterday was in order to prep you guys today for learning how to properly care for gemlings," she elucidated.

“That’s cool and all, but what’s with the boxes?” a carnelian questioned.

The green gem frowned. “I was getting to that. For our parental training today we'll be using," she paused to pick up something from one of the boxes, "these!" she exclaimed triumphantly, brandishing something.

In Peridot's grasp was a peridot gemling. Well, okay, it wasn’t _actually_ a gemling. It was a robot that looked an awful lot like a peridot infant at first glance, kinda uncannily so. But upon noticing the cold teal pigment that colored the whole gemling you could evidently tell it was a robot.

Peridot placed the robot down onto her lectern and eagerly began racing around the class with the “1”-labelled cardboard box to deliver the robots, as well as empty baby bottles.

“I have spent _countless_ hours meticulously crafting these robots in order to simulate a gemling’s behavior. They move, sound, and behave like gemlings almost to the T. I assure you all these will be _highly_ beneficial to your education.”

Yellow Pearl looked down distastefully at the four inch long robonoid gemling on her desk, as if it was nothing more than a piece of street debris. Glancing over to her wife, however, she noticed how Blue Pearl’s face absolutely lit up at the sight. Blue’s smile told Yellow that the sight of the robot allowed her to muse over having real children of her own.

Her wife’s glee lit something warm inside of Yellow. Turning back to face the hunk of metal on her desk, a new determination began filling her metaphorical gut. _I may not like this now_ , she thought, _but I’ll have to get used to this if I am really to commit to this with Blue_.

“Shouldn’t it be, uh, movin’ or somethin’?” a perplexed ruby asked.

Peridot gasped lightly. “Oh! Right!” She pulled out a remote from the cardboard box and pressed a button on it. Almost instantly the robonoids began stirring with life. Some writhed mechanically on the desk, others began chirping electronically, and several remained stationary except for the occasional robotic twitching.

“ _AH!_ ” a jumpy quartz shrieked, slamming its fist down onto its robonoid gemling in suprise at its newfound movement.

“ _AH!_ ” Peridot's gasped in distress as she sprinted over to the quartz. Her hands grasped feebly at the sparking mass of electronic wiring and twitching limbs. She let out a shaky sigh.

”O-kay, everyone, try not to _break_ your robots. They’re _incredibly_ fragile, just like Stage 1’s.” But she tried regaining a chipper attitude. “Still, it was just a mistake. Let’s not allow this mishap to drag us behind, everyone,” she instructed as she marched back to the boxes, pulled out a spare, and bestowed it to the quartz before returning to her lectern.

Just as Peridot was out of earshot an onyx accidentally let her arm she was using to hold her head slip onto her robot gemling, instantly shattering it. Making sure Peridot was too far away to notice, she clenched her fist around the destroyed robot and yeeted it out the canopy entrance, quickly turning back and sitting upright as if nothing happened.

"Can I borrow yours?" she whispered over to her classmate sitting beside her, who shot her a miffed look in response.

"Why don't you grab a spare?" her classmate interrogated.

"I've seen how Peridot is when she gets mad, so I don't wanna push any further buttons." She shuddered. " _Botany stopped being fun when someone accidentally killed Peridot's favorite plant_."

The kindergartener reached her lectern at the front of the class. She held up her robot gemling in both of her palms. “As you all can see, Stage 1’s are very tiny and fragile beings." She brought the robonoid close to her chest in a maternal hold as the robot began mechanically purring. A warm smile soon showed itself on Peridot as she remembered the times she has held her own infant children. "You must treat them as delicate creatures worth all the love you can give them."

Yellow Pearl gingerly picked up the robot in her hands. Uncertain on what to do next she galnced over to Blue, who was affectionately rocking the robot just like Peridot. It took a couple moments, but Yellow began to rock the robonoid gemling in an albeit robotic manner (that was a good pun fuck off).

"So, am I supposed to squeeze it or - " _Crack!_ Peridot looked on in horror as she saw a carnelian crush her painstakingly-crafted robot in a choke hold.

"No! - _Again_ , these robots are made to mimic actual gemlings, so they are _really_ fragile!" she explained. "You wouldn't wish to crush _your_ gemlings, right?"

The student looked down at the sputtering robonoid in her hands. "So . . . I _don't_ squeeze 'em?" 

" _No_!" Peridot closed her eyes for a moment before speaking. “ _Ookkaayy_ . . . . Moving on.” She bestowed another spare gemling to the student before resuming teaching.

She picked up the baby bottle in her spare hand. “Gemlings require regular feedings every eleven to twenty-two hours in order to grow. Feeding them a solution made of mineral solutes is a good option.” She brought the empty bottle to the robonoid, who opened up its tiny mouth and swiftly latched onto the bottle’s nip and began “drinking.”

The class mimicked Peridot’s feeding of her robot. Some of the gemlings began drinking the nonexistent formula as swiftly as Peridot’s did, while others took time to recognize the bottle in front of them.

Others just flat-out refused, as did one robonoid who fidgeted and squeaked loudly in annoyance every time the bottle was brought close to it. This greatly annoyed the nephrite handling it. “C’mon, drink up! Don’t you wish to grow up big and strong?”

Another nephrite beside her tried acting as a voice of reason. “Maybe she’s . . . not hungry?”

The other didn’t heed her any attention. “ _Grr_ , c’mon, _drink_!” she chastised as she jutted the bottle towards the robot and - ripped its head off.

A deadly silence settled onto the classroom as everyone turned to see the tiny gemling head clunk down onto the dirt floor of the classroom. A couple knowing gems anxiously peeked towards Peridot’s direction to see her reaction.

Peridot’s eye twitched. “Okay! Moving on!” she announced abruptly. Quickly retrieving the Stage 1 robonoids from the class and feverishly began packing them away, as if having them out any longer would allow even more of them to break.

The technician squeezed the bridge of her nose. “Let’s . . . move on to Stage 2 gemlings.” Peridot passed out the robots from the “2”-labelled box now. They looked a bit like the previous variety, except they were about twice as large, had their eyes open, and had more developed proportions.

Peridot gravely held up the remote to turn them on. “ _Stars, don’t let them break_ ,” she prayed.

With a click on the remote the robots seized to life. As Stage 2’s do, they soon began crawling aimlessly around their surroundings. Peridot initially looked tense, but soon softened once she remembered the nephrite gemling from her slideshow yesterday. “Stage 2’s are much more versatile than those in Stage 1, so _hopefully_ they won’t break as easily.”

Her words proved true as a careless gemling robonoid crawled straight off of a table and fell to the ground. After a moment of stillness, the robot regained its composure and resumed inching along. Many other gemlings soon followed suite.

The Pearls yelped as they noticed their own gemlings attempting to flee. Blue quickly corralled her arms around her robot to prevent it from leaving the table, while Yellow simply slapped its hand down onto it.

After witnessing the gemlings’ versatility an amethyst turned to her robot resting on her desk and commented, “Woah, this thing’s deluxe!” Picking up the sleeping gemling (earning an annoyed electronic squeak from it) she kobe’d it over to her friend across the classroom.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Peridot shrieked, sprinting over to the amethyst.

“Chillax, Peridot, they’re _fine_ . You said it yourself: these things are versy - versay - versoot - uh - “

“- Versatile,” Yellow Pearl corrected, annoyed.

“Yeah, that too.”

“You’re not supposed to think of them as _things_!” Peridot bickered. “You’re _supposed_ to think of them as your own children!”

The amethyst caught the gemling after her friend threw it back to her and began throwing it back and forth with each other. “Hey, this isn’t really my kid, so why should I care? You Peridots act like you’re all _sooo_ high ‘n mighty above grunts like me. The thing’s gonna be fine, alright?”

Just as she said that she happened to throw the gemling robonoid a bit too hard at her friend, which promptly smashed into many pieces as it hit her face dead-on.

“ _Motherfucker_ ,” Peridot growled under her breath. She stared down the amethyst and pointed to her desk, who begrudgingly sat back down. 

Her pinprick eyes soon widened as she saw several of the robots booking it towards the canopy’s exit. “Eep!” She scrambled over to them and scooped them up in her arms, sighing in relief. 

Outside her line of view two babies got caught up in the gemling’s version of a meet and greet. And, as those events usually end up, one ended up climbing on top of the other.

“Hey!” the designated parent of one of the gemlings - an agate - called. “Get off my baby!” As all the robot gemlings were just about identical, she couldn’t quite tell which one was hers.

“Uuuhhh, _that_ one.” She swiftly grabbed the gemling on top of the other - which promptly crumbled in her hand.

“Huh, guess that wasn’t my baby. Mine was fine when I squeezed it.”

Peridot jerked towards the sound of breaking gemling. If this was an anime, her eyes would be glowing red and ready to shoot lasers or some shit like that. The agate stood stiff for a moment before swinging the crushed robot around behind her back in a feeble attempt to hide the evidence.

Peridot let out a short, shaky, almost deranged chuckle. “If _one_ more robot gets broken, I _swear_ I’ll - “

* _Smash_!*

Some poor gemling crawling along the floor managed to knock itself into a desk hard enough to send a Hydro Flask that was teetering on the edge down onto its noggin.

Needless to say, the Stage 3 gemling robonoids weren’t brought out that day.

Peridot spent the remainder of the period letting all Hell reign loose onto the class. Well, mostly. She spent about a solid half-hour screaming bloody murder and then had her head on her desk for the remainder, ignoring any attempts at consolation by sympathetic gems in her class.

“I say, you _did_ have a point in wanting to return to that class,” Yellow Pearl stated as she walked Blue Pearl to her Sketching 101 class. “Seeing that whole debacle was _definitely_ worth the price of admission!” she said, snickering.

“I think we broke Peridot,” Blue commented a little worriedly.

“Oh, she’ll be _fine_ ,” Yellow Pearl stated. “Peridots are hardy gems, she’ll bounce back in no time.”

The pair remained silent for a minute before Yellow worked up the courage to speak what was on her mind. “I don’t think . . . I’m cut out to be a parent,” she confessed guiltily.

“That’s nonsense!” Blue Pearl consoled. “I’m sure you can be a wonderful parent!”

“But I didn’t even know how to hold a gemling!” she retorted, mimicking her awkward hold in emphasis. “How did you make it look so natural?”

Blue paused. “I’m not sure. It just came kind of, naturally, to me.”

“Well it didn’t come naturally to me!” Yellow huffed, angry at herself. Then a baby blue hand calmly announced itself on her shoulder.

“I _know_ that you are capable of being a spectacular parent,” Blue reassured. “If you can be an amazing wife to me, then you can surely be an amazing parent to our children.”

Yellow still remained a little unsure, but soon tried pushing such thoughts away by deciding to play with Blue. “Thank you, love.” She tittered. “Y’know, you really ought to start your _own_ parenting class to teach me. You’d make a good teacher.”

“We already attend one, silly!” Blue chortled.

“Hey, unlike that one I’d actually _look forward_ to attending yours,” she commented sultrily.

Blue was red-faced (or blue-faced, I guess) for the rest of their walk to Blue’s art class. Bidding her wife goodbye, Yellow pranced onwards towards her Sewing class, feelings of self-doubt still festering in the back of her mind.


End file.
